Unknown Quotients
by DarkyDearest
Summary: James Potter ponders the mystery that is Lily Evans. Heavily inspired by the song Girl Inform Me by The Shins but not technically a songfic. If you liked Troublesome Kettle, you will probably enjoy this and hopefully it will make you laugh : JPxLE oneshot


**Unknown Quotients **

By: DarkyDearest

**A/N:** This story was originally a song fic but I decided to just give you the song and then the fic, separately. This story, or soliloquy rather was inspired by the song **Girl Inform Me** by The (handsome and talented) Shins…

_Girl inform me all my senses warn me  
Your clever eyes could easily disguise  
Some backwards purpose  
It's enough to make me nervous.  
Do you harbor sighs, or spit in my eye_

_But your lips when we speak  
Are the valleys and peaks of a mountain range on fire.  
So let me walk these coals till you believe  
I can cut the mustard well enough  
Cause you know as soon as breathe we scrutinize_

_Unknown quotients, you must be using potions  
How else could you tie my head to the sky  
This new convection has left me wondering why  
I can't concern myself with ordinary tripe. _

_Like what's this morning's paper got to say  
And which brand of coffee to make  
This is no umbrella to take into the wind  
And before we begin is there nothing to kill this anxiety._

_But your lips when we speak  
Are the valleys and peaks of a mountain range on fire.  
So let me walk these coals till you believe  
I can cut the mustard well enough  
Cause you know as soon as breathe we scrutinize  
The paint away._

James Potter sat on the bank of the Black Lake rubbing his smarting right shin and frowning. James wasn't a clumsy person by nature, in fact he was quite coordinated, some might even say athletic keeping in mind his adeptness at quidditch. But lately… Lately, James had been tripping a lot…. Tripping and falling and knocking into things and knocking things over…. And knocking people over…. He was practically useless on the ground. The only time he was balanced or graceful anymore was on the quidditch pitch. This might have been because Lily Evans hated quidditch. That doesn't sound right does it? What should Lily Evans have to do with the fact that James could no longer navigate a classroom or corridor without leaving a path of destruction in his wake? Plenty, that's what. Then again… it wasn't so much Lily Evans that caused him to constantly embarrass himself as it was her eyes.

Lily's eyes were green. But not just _green_. Not the kind of green you usually saw, the kind with too much yellow or brown. Those were usually just light hazel masquerading as green. Lily's eyes were really green, the green of the Forbidden Forest at dusk or the Welsh Green dragons they had studied pictures of in Care of Magical Creatures. Vibrant, cool as morning fog and full of life. Maybe, just maybe if her eyes weren't that particular shade of green, James wouldn't have run directly into a bench in the great hall causing the blooming purple bruise on his still throbbing shin.

It was a possibility but James thought not. There was more in those eyes than color. Something in their expression made him nervous, something that didn't happen to James Potter too often, although he hid it well when it did. She was just so damn… intelligent. And it showed, not in obvious ways, she wasn't a show off… but there were subtle hints if you knew where to look. And James did, right into those stunning eyes… and right into the suit of armor he knocked over on Monday, the chair he toppled on Tuesday, his cauldron in Potions on Wednesday, a desk and two first years on Thursday, and let's not forget that brutally sharp bench this morning. As much as they… pained him… James could appreciate the way her eyes took in a room so fast and so thoroughly when she entered. Capturing every detail, evaluating every aspect… every person… and all of their faults… Aha. There was the nervous-making part.

That, and that those eyes hid just as much as they gave away. How was he supposed to know how she felt about him? There was something there when she looked at him but what? Love? Hate? Indifference? Amusement at his latest spectacular fall or slip?! Oh bloody hell he couldn't take this… he had to stop thinking about her eyes. He firmly tried to picture Lily with her eyes closed. There, he breathed a sigh of relief, much better. Without the eyes she was just flowing sanguine locks surrounding flawless, pale, skin covering delicate, even, features, accentuating velvety, blushing lips… oh no… her lips….

Her lips were almost as bad as her eyes. They were so perfectly formed, he wanted to paint them and hang them in a gallery. After kissing them for hours and hours until they were so chapped she couldn't speak (they were always so perfectly supple looking, he was curious as to how she kept them that way all the time. Girls were a mystery), not that he didn't love hearing her talk. The things that she said were almost as enthralling as the mouth they came out of. She always had an opinion on everything. James, who only gave thought to things he thought were of utmost importance admired this. Damn it this was no good either.

Needing escape from her eyes as well as her lips now, he struggled for an image in his Lily archives that involved neither. He lay back slowly on the soft ground and came up with one of her walking away from him, something she did quite frequently (this could be viewed as fortunate of unfortunate depending on how you… er… looked at it). Her ginger hair was waving dangerously between her shoulder blades and her hips were swinging in a way that was both angry and seductive. Did she have any idea how beautiful she was? He wondered…. Wait… maybe she did….

Wasn't it a bit… suspicious? This hold she had over him? Wasn't it strange that he seemed physically unable to look away from her when they were in the same room? Could there even be… how did the detectives on that Muggle show put it?... foul play involved? They were at a school for magic, nothing was impossible! But why would Lily put some sort of spell on him, she hated him! Or maybe that too was part of her plan to make him her own! Aha! James sat up abruptly. He knew it all along! Lily Evans was in love with him! She was an ace at potions maybe she slipped something into his tea. Methods regardless, he would have to tell her soon that they were unnecessary. He would love her anyway. Who wanted love induced by… root of Blubblewhatsit or whatever you put in love potions anyway (James by the way was not so good at potions). James didn't… he wanted to love Lily for real. He wanted to feel light headed and dizzy and stupid and happy and yes even clumsy around her because of her. Now that he thought about it Lily really wouldn't do something like that anyway. She was better than that. He sank back down to his original position on the grassy little hill and looked out over the lake.

He sighed. That hadn't solved anything. He still hadn't figured out why he couldn't concentrate on anything but Lily, Lily, and Lily these days. His friends had started teasing him about how much time he spent thinking about Lily, watching Lily, talking about Lily, dreaming about Lily… he wished for the thousandth time that he didn't talk in his sleep. He was doing badly in his classes too; he couldn't seem to focus on anything but her. He was a mess, and he felt like the situation had to come to some kind of a conclusion but how could it when the other party involved didn't want to acknowledge that there was a situation in the first place.

He continued to lay there thinking for some moments but alas, predictably his thoughts strayed back to the image of her face, her eyes, and her lips. He inhaled and exhaled once slowly before setting his face into a look of determination. If the situation wasn't going to change by itself then he would change it. He would change himself. If Lily thought he was immature, he would grow up. If Lily thought his pranks and jokes were mean, he would play nice. He would prove to her that he was worth being with; and then he would show her that she was the only one he wanted to be with him.

James stood resolutely and began to march, with purpose, up the steep slope he had been relaxing on, towards the castle. He was going to finish his Charms essay and revise for his Potions test… a day early! Halfway up the slope, as soon as he could see the steps to the castle doors he caught sight of a beautiful redhead coming out of them. Even staring into the eyes he had been daydreaming about for hours James remembered his vow to do better and resisted his urge to run over and show off. Instead he took another meaningful step towards his homework.

Suddenly, halfway through the step, Lily's eyes were gazing back into his own. This was an event so rare that he promptly tripped on a stone and tumbled flailing back down the slope and toppled into the chilly lake.

_Ladies and Gentleman_, he thought bitterly as he floated on his back hoping to be killed or at least maimed by the giant squid, _may I present the New and Improved Mr. James Potter_.


End file.
